"Nostalgia is a
that insists things
than they seemed."
I believe in reincarnation. I believe in rebirth and afterlife. It is such a mystery how the circle of life continues and moves like a steering wheel. There’s a moment that life starts at rest and creates a motion, a brake, full stop and rest again. Back when I was a kid, I had the idea that death is something to be afraid of, to avoid it and that it’s really demonic or whatnot — this is how corrupted the minds of adults, injecting it to the innocent minds of the children. But, there’s something beautiful about death, not that I am necrophilic or whatever you call it, I believe that once the human body goes six feet underground, it nourishes the roots of the old trees and flourishes the ground into a grass bed. That’s my idea of reincarnation, not to punish but to make a two-way benefit from both nature that co-exist.
And as a kid back then, here’s what I thought of myself: if I die, I wanted to be reincarnated into a bird. I’ve always wanted to fly, to have my own wings and go to places. Birds chirp sounds that they dreamed of, just like me, I have a voice that can sing, such a shame I don’t use it that much. I’ve always wanted to be a bird, a bird that emancipates itself from a chaotic city and find shade under the mahogany tree. I think that’s the whole idea of reincarnation, rebirth and afterlife — to emancipate one’s self from the past.
“Someday I’ll fly, someday I’ll soar, someday I’ll be so damn much -more.” (John Mayer)
To Be In Love With The Mind.
What a beautiful thing it must be, to find someone that will fall in love with your mind. Someone to discern that aesthetic beauty is only a big banner saying “Notice Me,” and it could only go so far because it will soon wither down, but not your mind. Your mind is your greatest asset and your…
January 19, 2014
Tonight, no matter how hard I tried to stop looking at your pictures or stalk you on your common-friends-tagged-photo, I hate to admit that I miss you. I miss how you took care of me, whenever I’m hungry and having a bad day, how you tried to make me smile because I feel mediocre about school. I miss how you know that apple pie and caramel sundae can make me feel alright even after a huge fight that we had and everything will turn out fine in the end. I miss how you ignore me because you are playing FIFA 2013 in your room and I am just right there at your back, watching you, combing your hair with my long fingernails. I miss you during the time, I keep telling myself that I will put off things that I need to do for the next day and every time, I do that, you scold me and give me a great push to strive harder. I miss you during the time you told me you want to court me, because you like me, you want me and that I deserved to be loved the way I should be. I miss it when you were there to pick up the phone when I called you and I am crying because my ex is such a douchebag and you sent text message to my friends, so they can text me and tell me that everything’s alright. I miss you even at the moment, I asked you about who were you waiting for at 6 o’ clock in the evening after 3 months of our break-up, only to find out you were waiting for someone else.
Truth is, I just missed the idea of that kind of relationship, care and love you gave to me. The kind of love that showed me my worth but in the end, it was easy for you to throw it away — to throw US away. That in the end, you were just another boy in my past. I miss you — how I have known you and now that it seems like you’re really just a stranger to me. I am glad our paths never crossed, I really am happy, somehow.